Demon

"DEMON"


Chapter 1
It is a strange ghost like being that you experience a sort of orgasmic release of energies when you roll your fist up and strike the person you love most. Immediately you feel remorse as you wipe the blood from off her soft tender lips, a red cut on her lip, the lips you so gently kiss. You become aware that you are a demon that has manifested itself in a fog of a haze of thoughts that dangle upon your crown as though one were ensconced in weighty clouds. She looks at you like a confused scared child that has just been spanked by her parents. I am a demon, my mind is possessed and there is nothing I can do about it. But all this was back then, when she was still here. You wouldn't be moving this dead body now with her if she hadn't been here. It is strange, you might have been moving her dead body had she stayed, think of the guilt you would have had if you killed the only person in life you love. But she left me, back then, so many months ago. After a series of break ups and reunions each ending with me slamming her, hitting her, or just plain psychologically torturing her because I am a demon. But the dead body was something I was dealing with, I guess I am thinking of her now because we both could imagine this situation, her being dead and me having to move her. It was a cruel chilling laughter we both laughed when we joked that one night, she looked at me with her brave brown eyes, asking so simply, playfully, straight forward.
"Whats going to happen to us if we keep on"
And I answered her sarcastically but truthfully, "I will end up killing you and then I will kill myself because I killed the only thing in this world I love."
We both laughed and we both knew it was over. We were over.
The body was heavier then what I thought it would be. Frenzy, the deceased, was a slender boy, maybe 22 years old, from Seattle. The great pacific migratory cycles of bumdum had brought him down to San Francisco during the winter. He was quiet, never caused anyone any trouble. Drank beer alot and talked about finding a girlfriend, as though finding a girlfriend would make his life something more enjoyable. He was a bum, addict, caught up in the bad dope scene. In terms of addicts you have your friendly addicts and your not so friendly addicts, the ones that get messed up on the cheap shit, they are the poor ones, the ones that crave rocks and broken pipes that cut your lip when you breath into them. I had vowed never to be a cheap addict. I paid alot for my grass and my shrooms, always prefering the organic buds to any of the less then pure green that runs around a city like San Francisco. Tina had drove Frenzy to a madness, but the Black had killed Frenzy. Tina was no friend of mine. I kept her away, I knew what kind of relationship it would end up with. Black was ever worse. I had already reserved the hard stuff, the fucked up shit for the last high. It was something I kept stored away, the only time I am going to put a needle in my arm is if that is the last day I want to live and it better be the last day I ever live because once I start putting dope into my veins I will be a goner, I understand my obsessive compulsive behavior. Once drawn in there would be no escape the black liguid would ooze like a dark star black hole in my life and I would be sucked in suffocating under the gravity of the dope. Dope was evil, I knew what it was so I avoided it, give me the fog of pot and shrooms and leave all that dirty crap to those loathsome impoverished crackhead street people who can't even manage body fluids let alone their lives once they take the shit and smoke it or put in their veins. It's all bad crap, crap that you wouldn't want anyone to be on. Yet, it is everywhere. Frenzy couldn't escape the crap, and put the shit in his veins and it was too much shit for his tiny frame and the crap crapped him out. Now his body, pale and cold was lying in his bedroom at the squat. And Fuck if it isn't winter where you can't just walk out of a building because there is a dead body laying in the middle of a trashed room. The heavy rains of San Francisco winters come pooring down onto the pavement, floods coagulating in the drains as trash backs up the sewers. It was a deluge, it had been a deluge in typical California coastal winters for several days now. This was a big fucking problem because we can't just leave his body there, and we can't just call the coroner because the squat will be found out by the police if we call in a wagon to take his dead body out.
Seamus stared at Frenzy, they had known each other for awhile.
"Fucking asshole, never thinking. Shooting dope and leaving the mess for us to clean up."
Seamus breathed out in words as he stared at Frenzy. Frenzy's eyes stared up, blankly, at the white peeling paint ceiling that had water stains making weird splotchy patterns on the ceiling, almost like random cloud formations. You could see a face in one of them, well I could see a face, it was angry it looked down on us like a angry God that was perturbed with the dope addict squatters that lived in the long vacant space that so many years ago was a billiard hall.
"Let's pick him up and take him to the bus stop two blocks away" I said to Seamus.
"What if we get caught"
"Does it matter? We can't leave him here."
We grabbed a rope and tied it to Frenzy's belt, we picked him up an arm over each of our shoulders. Leading his body out the doorway, into the pouring rain of San Francisco. The rain droplets washed down on us, like a river it enveloped us in the moisture. I really didn't think at the time of how cold hearted this was, no matter the circumstances, we were taking our friend to a bus stop to leave him there so his body could be picked up by a police officer. Why didn't we just call the coroner and make sure the body was taken care of. We could of had a memorial service or something. Rather it was all so regular, like this was nothing but a temporary chore. Like taking out the garbage. Maybe we were desensitized. It wasn't like this was the first street traveller kid to crap out on dope that we knew. It was a regular occurrence about once every season it seemed like. Although, this was the first time that someone had actually died in a squat I was staying at. Usually it was the dirt bag places that had the over doses. Not the politically savant anarchist squats that I lived in, but how much of that was actually true about how I lived now. Anarchy and Revolution were things that resided in my head like unpracticed ideas that never really had any real meaning in my life anymore. Sure when I started out squatting I was full of those ideas and thought what I was doing was fucking the capitalist system. But who I was now, I was no longer that revolutionary kid that wanted to bring down the state, "I'm a lost soul swimming in a fish bowl year after year".

The body lay against the clear pane of glass that was the back wall of the bus shelter. Rain dripped down the glass, half domes of liquid glistened in the pale light of the flourescent lights of the stall that exhaled a yellow hue against everything in it's light. Jakob stared at Frenzy's face, it looked like a mannequin as it lay there resting against the glass still and silent, inanimate. Jakob and Seamus stood there in the rain looking at Frenzy as though his solid limbs would somehow revive themselves as though he were just passed out from an alcoholic bidge. Frenzy did not awaken and this realization weighed heavy on Jakob's mind. How long would it be before he himself would be lying still.

"I am going to call the police now". Jakob told Seamus.
"Okay, let's get this over with".

Jakob picked up the pay phone and dialed 911. The operator came on and Jakob explained that there was a dead body at the bus stop. Seamus hurriedly picked through Frenzy's pockets searching for the rest of the Black that Frenzy hadn't injected. Having found the prize Seamus put the Black in his pocket. Jakob and Seamus went across the street to watch for the ambulance standing there in the rain for fifteen minutes before the flashing red lights of the ambulance broke through the chardes of liguid that hung in the air like a shroud. Death was here. Jakob watched stoically as the ambulance crew laid the body on a gurney. They did not even attempt to resuscitate him. How long has he been dead, two hours, maybe an hour. Frenzy was gone and there would be no coming back for him and Jakob realized that he would miss the kid. If these traveller kids didn't die they would leave town and never be seen again. The traveller kids were the ones Jakob disliked most, not because they were bad but because they never stayed around. You would get to know, befriend them and then one morning you would wake up and see them gone, left for some more fantastic voyage on rails or by hitching across the land of Amerika. Maybe they went to palmy Mexico, where tequila was cheap and the weather was warm, or went back to the suburbs that some of them hailed from, wearied of this life on the edges, or rather in the fridges of Amerika. They lived like bedouin in a society of gluttony and over priced extravaganzas of thoughtless entertainment. They lived off the waste of a decadent corrupt society that was quickly out pacing itself to it's own self-destruction.
They lived as the trash that floated on the surface of the wake of modern life.

"Let's go get drunk" Seamus said to Jakob.
"Man..." Jakob said in a whisper. Thinking to himself how horrible this all was and all Seamus want's to do is go get drunk.
"Doesn't this affect you at all" Jakob asked
"That's why I want to get drunk, it's all really just too much like everything else, it's all just too fucking much".

Jakob stood there, the rain soaking his hair, his face, his being. He stood there thinking only about one thing, it was not about Frenzy or death, he stood thinking how different everything would be, if only he still had that one thing, the only thing in the last ten years that gave him any hope, any power, he thought about her.